Some years ago I asked myself „why do especially women and also myself try to rescue mom with our spiritual knowledge?“ „Why do I think that I know better, what can help her etc.?“ I started to observe.
One year ago I did a family constellation with the female side of my mother`s lineage.
What showed up was that I decided to be the grown up for my mom and I trained myself in the approach of „I am the adult, and she is the child.“
We observed through the lineage that the swapping roles already happened with my grand-grandmother and my grandmother.
Within the constellation, I was finally able to feel the pain I caused myself by deciding to be the „grown-up“ instead of the child. Afterward, it was such a relief to step into the child position and to honor the energetic order in my ancestor’s lineage. Since then my relationship with my mom completely changed into an adult-adult conversation. Yes sure, I am still her daughter, and I will always be her child, but I can see her as my mom and as an entirely responsible person, which takes care of herself and I no longer have to rescue her in her awakening process.
Last week a session reminded me of how I long I tried to rescue my mom, which hindered me to live my life purpose to the fullest and I realized why I did that for such a long time.
The route cause of this rescuing program is that the inner child is longing for attention, love, and support.
When we were little, the circumstances were different, means mom was not there for us as she was e.g. occupied with the older or younger siblings, the work, or her life and was complaining. We easily swap roles because we assume she can not handle her life by herself and start „to be there“ for mom, taking over her problems and adapt them and try to rescue her by taking care of our self. That means we suppress our needs or try to fulfill them through others instead of bothering mom. Instead of being a kid and having fun, we want to please her in a very responsible way to get the attention for which we are starving. The consequence is that we think we can do better than mom, that she is not able to handle her life and we have to do it for her. This role game is a part of the Low-Drama-Triangle by Eric Berne. The rescuer wants to rescue the victim because it is not able to do it on its own and we have to do it. The rescuer approach has the same energy as the persecutor, but it is more tricky, as we think we do something good. But nothing is further from the truth.
The long term result is that we are swapping roles with our inner child, and this causes the effect, which instead of taking care of our inner child from our adult perspective, a part of our inner child takes care of us. We are playing the game on and on, which reflects as rescuing others, playing the role of the grown-up.
Taking care of others is more important than taking care of yourself. We need others to feel good, and as we decided as we were little, that mom is not paying attention and is not taking care, this story will be projected and therefore repeated in our life. We will never receive the attention from others fully until we change our decision by healing the emotional trauma which is the route cause.
What we can do to start healing this wound is to start nourishing this part of our inner child BUT from the adult perspective. To stop the circle of rescuing by taking over the responsibility for the child by taking care of her/his needs. The inner child knows its needs, and we as our adult-self have to meet that need – no matter what.
We need to start to be creative and paint loving pictures. Offer a variety of possibilities as she/he is not used to getting nourished and we are not used to nourishing her. The first step is to talk to her/him and let her/him know that from now on you will take care of her/him and that it is no longer her/his job to do it by her/himself. That you are playing a new game where she/he is allowed to tell you her/his needs, and you will do your best to fulfill them.
When we are in that space, where we are talking to your inner child, we are actually in the quantum field.
Everything is possible.
Have fun with your little child.