Since I decided to do this travel next year, a lot of fear and sadness popped up. Even I am so happy for my decision and for the upcoming year full of new experiences, people, adventures, which are waiting in the unknown, I struggle to let go.
The last two months I get more aware how much I love the people in my community I am living in. This is my tribe. I learned so much with them in the last 6 years. We grow together, we failed together, we cried together, we laughed together, we sang together, we ate together…
Without this field of transformation, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I had no idea what an intentional community life looks like and it was better not to know before 🙂 – Even there was almost no day of not being challenged in the way of new thinking, starting to feel, explore old patterns, connect by not knowing what that looks like, keep myself with my head over the water, facing my shadows and hidden purposes, find my own language in this life, finding my truth, my inner voice and listen to it, and even it was so hard
I LOVE MY CHOICE.
Community life is for me THE way of living in the future or better say it should be the way of living since years as it is the most natural way of being together.
The first 4 years felt like again being in an incubator where I could focus on myself – lightened up many corners of my subconscious with the flashlight and integrate so much, that I now feel ready to step out in the world. It feels like I peeled all my old clothes of and but my new styling on. And sure.. the journey of self-discovery and healing will go on.
Just yesterday night I was laying after a beautiful women circle in the arms of two amazing woman – I cried because I realized how much I missed the touch on my face of my mother while I was a kid. I love when people hold my face in their hands – it is such an intimate moment for me and this happened yesterday. After the circle, I lay next to a very close friend of mine – in her lab and she was starting to stroke softly my cheeks and as I was already in an open and vulnerable state I started to cry. The other women laid down in front of me and it felt like being wrapped in a love cloud. It was so healing for me to share my inner world with these two close friends. It was almost 2am in the morning when we went apart in our homes.
And during these moments I am struggling to leave this beautiful place Schloss Glarisegg, which I called my home for 6 years. Having such caring and conscious beings around me is such a treasure in my life. To think about leaving all this makes me cry. On the other side of this coin is that I am happy to have such a safety net of a loving tribe, even I have no idea if I will come back. To know that I can come back anytime is such a blessing. It is like in a tribe when the youngsters went out into the world on their adventures and got the blessing of the elders and the whole family. To know there are people I love so much which love me too and which say “Go out in the world – spread your wings and fly” and ” when you are ready come back home and if there is another place is calling you stay there… everything is fine for us as long as you are happy!” This is so huge and I am still digesting these sentences from elders of the community.
I will leave Schloss Glarisegg in March with a suitcase and a backpack. This is all that I want to take with me.
I will pack my most valuable things in some boxes and the rest is for sale. It feels so releasing and hard to let go at the same time. I have never experienced the freedom of being “independent” even I know we are ultra dependent. But on the level of having a job I was always committed to an institution and was attached to the system in a certain way.
It is a release of myself from the system into the unknown – which is and was so attractive to me as long I can think.
I will keep you updated.